I usually ask God to send my writing to the right person at the right time for their learning and healing.  So, I want you to know that you are here for a reason. Perhaps it is an answer to a question that you are unaware you asked.  Perhaps you are experiencing a transition in your life that no one else seems to understand. Perhaps you are just interested in getting some information about Grand Canyon University.  Whatever the reason, welcome.

 

I take the advice of Joyce Meyer when ever I have to make an important decision in my life.  I simply follow my peace.  More specifically, I follow the peace that the Lord gives me.  I label this post as a beginner post.  Prayerfully you will find some answers here.

 

 

 

 

When science cannot explain logically what an individual experiences on a more supernatural spectrum, they call it a phenomenon.  If a researcher was to record my experience of what is usually referred to as a mid-life crisis, they would note that my interpretation and explanation would be unique to me.  So, I need you to know that your experience and your call to the Lord is unique to you.  Follow your peace.

 

I will be using Psychological explanations of my experience due to the fact that I am currently attending Grand Canyon University (GCU) as a Philosophy of Psychology Doctoral student.

 

Some people in my family don’t really understand that I went back to school during an existential crisis.  I didn’t know it at the time but I was in search for a community that challenged me, that would help me grow, and that would direct me to my true self.  This is what the GCU community did for me, but I do not give the program credit for that. Instead, ALL GLORY belongs to my father in Heaven.

 

All Glory Belongs to my Father in Heaven!

 

I thank God that he allowed me to find this program because each step of the way I have been learning about human behavior and about myself.  I am super spiritual because I know that the Lord saved my life. I now use my life for a purpose and a reason. Last class at GCU I had someone accused me of “proselytizing.”   At first I was offended, but then I started to think, that is exactly what I want to do. I began to enter into my identity of a "doctor of life transition." The Phenomena of transitioning into a new perspective of who I was as a teacher changed my life.  I am experiencing so much freedom. I continue to write and to teach what I am learning about mental health through this blog. I encourage people to create, to write, to read, or take on some type of creative practice as a way to work out their inner trouble.

 

I think GCU, as a Christian University, does a great job of including the Christian perspective into the discussion.  Of course, every instructor will be different in their interpretation of using scripture to enhance the week’s course work, but overall I am enjoying the experience.  Recently we were asked to describe a time when we experienced our Doctoral learning Identity. The following is something that I submitted as a response:

 

The most significant theoretical understandings of the human condition came from German philosophers Edmund Husserl and Martin Heidegger who made major contributions in bringing attention to the study and reflection of the human experience (Felder, Aten, Neudeck, Shiomi-Chen, & Robbins, 2014). In the world of humanistic psychology, the focus on the individual becomes the highlight of living.  Theorists such as Abraham Maslow, and Carl Rogers addressed the phenomena of life’s experiences and respected the explanations of individual perspectives. Maslow’s theory of hierarchical needs is a psychological theory of motivation, explaining the journey to the acknowledgement and acquirement of one’s full human potential (Acevedo, 2018).  This is my current experience in my living. It is totally unique to me. 

 

Identity is an intricate learning experience that develops in a process of experiences.  I have never really wanted to explore the difficulties of this particular process. I steered away from continuing my education and had chosen to die quietly in the recesses of my mind.  When I started this journey, I was not a doctoral student. I had entered a time in my life where I didn’t want any further explanations of what was happening to me. I knew I was dying. The living of my time was spent thinking that I knew who I was, which led me to a teaching career, a family that was proud of me, and a life that made me happy.  However, devastation hit me hard. I lost my job, my grandmother and my house in one year. The next year I lost my father, I filed for bankruptcy, and I felt very lost. I was depressed. I couldn’t work, I just didn’t have the energy anymore to live life.

 

The process that I was experiencing aligned with the theory of mid-life crisis where I began to evaluate the meaning of life thoroughly.  I was familiar with the term but the deeper understanding that came with reading research began to mold me as a person and as a doctoral learner. According to Jung the journey of mid- life was not a crisis but a natural process of maturation (Weaver, 2009).   In my situation it was a spiritual journey for finding my purpose. Life became the search for something else, something more, and something deeper than material success.

 

My search for meaning allowed me to take a pause in life.   During my break from life, I knew little about psychoanalysis, mid-life crisis, self -determination, humanism or any other theory that explained what I was experiencing.  It was just something that I was going through. Since I have joined the GCU learning community, I have experienced a higher understanding of what each theory means. The process of growth that I am currently experiencing is all a part of my doctoral learner identity.  I have a deep connection to the material because it is my life.

 

Frankl’s existentialist view explained my boredom with life and the journey that I had to go through to create meaning and belonging.  The individual self is responsible for the discovery of self through living and by overcoming existential frustration (Weaver, 2009). Maslow’s explanation of my need to belong, then to achieve, then to acquire my full potential explained my moment of pause.  At the time my journey attempted to step into self-actualization, but I could not because I did not know myself fully and truly. Through the course material and reading during Psychoanalysis, I learned more about myself and my experience which made me not feel so alone.  In my search to create meaning I was finding understanding of my mindset and my fragile condition. Along with my learning, I felt a growth in confidence to live my life for myself. I started to own my time and claim my peace. I lost a lot of friends due to the change that I was experiencing.  I learned how to prioritize what I wanted out of life. My self as the Doctoral learner absorbs every second of it. I read, I note, I write, and I teach. This doctoral learning experience gives me new hope for the future. I think that the drive to share the information that I am learning is what connects me to the identity of a Doctoral learner. 

 

Currently, I am addressing existential questions of the meaning of life through my natural process of exploration and creativity.  Carl Rogers and his client-centered therapy encourages the individual to ask questions about life’s purpose (Weaver, 2009). As a doctoral learner I am understanding that being a student is my way of working through my understanding of life.  It is important for one to experience a unique journey of self-fulfillment and independence to grow as an individual (Yu, Chen, Zhang & Jin, 2015). Going back to school was my quest of becoming a better version of myself. However, the purpose that drives me is the intrinsic motivation of becoming better to help others be better.  I believe that the change in my motivation for living is what gives me energy to move forward in life. The purpose of my life is now to share my story and my experience in order for others to make sense of their journey.  

 

You have to make sense of your own journey!

 

So, that is what I wrote, but it didn’t really explain the catalyst of my crisis, nor the darkness of my despair. Before I started school, I wanted to end this life because I had no further motivation to live it. Working didn’t fill me, My husband, nor my family could lift me out of the darkness that I was experiencing. I tried to throw myself into church even more, but that didn’t work.  My perspective about life had shifted so much that I just didn’t see the point.  I was sick of people and I just wanted to be alone. I was heavy in my mind and in my body that I couldn’t get out of bed. When I managed to get up, I just sat on the floor, looked into my closet as a voice just kept telling me to hang myself.  I was hurting so bad and it seemed like no one cared because they just continued to ask me to do things for them. When I refused to die, I called on help from the Lord.  I didn't know what took me so long to really ask him for help.  I ultimately knew that I was special to God, so I started to look for answers. I started to fight back for my life. When I said I couldn’t work, I really mean it. I tried. I tried a paper route, I tried phone marketing, I tried retail, I tried to substitute teach.  I was just too tired to do anything effectively. I would get this huge dizzy headache and fall out. I had this feeling before, it was the feeling of extreme exhaustion, burn out, and fatigue. I was so desperate for something! I tried to find purpose by staying busy but the Lord Just told me to stop.  

 

“Just take a deep breath and trust that I got you.” 

 

When I actually stopped worrying about my limited amount of time on this earth, and I stopped worrying about how I was going to pay for my lifestyle, things started to change.  Opportunities started to arrive. My husband kept getting promoted which allowed me to spend time in the word. I studied and I prayed. I spent time with God alone and he led me to peace, stillness, and wisdom.  It was him that led me to Grand Canyon University. He began to teach me about my-self and the journey that I was experiencing. They call it a mid-life crisis because it is a time when a person reflects back on his or her life trying to find meaning to all of their hard work.  It is believed that this transition is different for everyone, and that each person has his or her own revelations of the experience. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, get ready. Research reports that this is a transition that happens between the ages of 35 and 50 and it can last from 3 to 10 years (Weaver, 2009).  So far I am four years in and the Lord has shown me a new way to live.  

 

Every journey is different and individual to the person.  I think It takes you as long as it does to change your mind about how you are living. We have to unlearn all the bad habits of the past that made us make the types of decisions that led us to places of darkness.  We have to get to know who we are in order to understand who we are in the lives of other people. What is the meaning of life? What is the purpose of this living? For me it is to help others to live, and to experience the necessary transition into a real life.  Ultimately, my life is purposed to communicate that there is also a transition into eternal life. The only way to get through that transition is to believe in the one who created the design of this learning experience and to believe in the one he sent to guide us through it.

 

I believe, thank you Lord.

 

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Psalms 23

 

 

Until Next Time,

Tamorra