I wrote the following on January 26, 2024:

Do you want to know how it feels to have a hysterectomy?  Well, I’m going to tell you that overall, this is not fun.  Today marks my 2 week post-operation date.  I am still mostly spending time in my room watching TV, YouTube, and scrolling on Instagram.  I have some good days and some not-so-good days.  It is an emotional roller coaster.

 

Yes, I am tired

Yes, I am sore

Yes, I am often frustrated

Yes, I am lonely

Yes, I am confused

 

However my Christion mind says:

Thank God that I am here! Thank God that I am alive!  Thank God that I am in the process of making it through.

 

My flesh says:

When will this be over?  I've had enough!

 

I thought I knew what to expect.  The doctor told me that I would be able to go home the same day after the surgery, but that didn’t happen.  I thought that I would feel better after the first week, but that didn’t happen either.  I was told that since the surgery was laparoscopic, the recovery time was significantly faster.  I was informed that the recovery would most likely be 2 to 4 weeks. Let’s go 4 week mark! I’m ready to feel better.  I have things to do!

 

I didn’t anticipate this overall “slow down” note after the surgery.  Whenever I thought I could start feeling normal again, my body said, “Nope, not today!”  I have a running list of all the things I need to do, but I can’t do them.  I don’t have the energy to move around for more than four minutes at a time. The days become slow and then fast. I am incredibly busy napping, keeping un-constipated, and relearning my bladder control.  I am slowly letting go of the need to be the “doer.”  I am learning how to rest.

 

 This is hard.

Of course, I tell everyone when they call, “I’m fine, I’m  fine . . . feeling much better thanks for calling . . . No, I don’t need anything, thanks.”  But the truth is that I am in a lonely place and I am calling on Jesus for some answers.

 

My thoughts:

Why am I going through this?

Why did I have to have complications?

Why can’t life just be easy?

Why did I have to have my uterus taken from my body and why does it feel like a part of me is missing?  Why do I feel empty inside? Why am I empty?

 

Hysterectomy definition:

A hysterectomy is a surgical procedure to remove the womb (uterus). You'll no longer be able to get pregnant after the operation. If you have not already gone through the menopause, you'll no longer have periods, regardless of your age. It's more common for women aged 40 to 50. (Google)

 

Oh yeah, that’s why I feel empty. . .

 

There are days that I don’t feel like praying and I don’t feel like reading my bible.  I guess I shouldn’t wonder why it seems like the Lord isn’t around nursing me back to health. I know deep down in my soul that he will never leave me nor forsake me.  I also know that if we don’t make a conscious effort to spend time with him, we won’t feel him strongly but he is always with us.  I’m glad that this truth is a part of me.  I know that as I draw closer to him, he draws closer to me. I know that my thoughts are prayers and that the Lord can read my soul.  He knows my heart.  I know he is teaching me something, so I wait for the lessons to become apparent.  Lord, heal my body.

 

As he breaks my heart, he breaks my will,

He reads my soul and understands my emotions 

My mind wanders but he brings it back to understanding

He knows me, when I do not know myself

He searches my heart

and gives me hope

 

He tells me:

“Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:  But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10:41

 

So, here we are.  Here I am learning how to spend time with the Lord even when I don’t feel like it.  I know he is still here.  Lord, I am learning how to slow down for my healing. Amen

 

Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. 39And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word. 40But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. 41And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: 42But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Luke 10: 38-42

 

But we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope. 

Romans 5:3-4

 

-until next time

Tamorra

 

 

I continue to promote and encourage people to seek after the Lord for encouragement, hope, motivation, and food for your soul.  He said that if you really do thirst or if we are too heavy with the burdens of this world, then we can turn to him.  Let us turn to him so that he can restore our souls.

 

 

Here are some more posts about my story: